i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize