no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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