all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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