Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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