Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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