Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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