What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
