And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
We have started to decorate penises.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
