I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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