It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
