I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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