i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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