After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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