You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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