I'm eating all of the evidence.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
