I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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