every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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