Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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