My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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