I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
