I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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