I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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