i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
