Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
