I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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