I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
