i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
