What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
These tits shall not be calmed
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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