I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
