It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
