Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
