I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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