I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize