if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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