Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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