He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
