I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
