Are we in a gay sports bar?
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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