I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
