You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
