So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
