he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
