I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize
