ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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