forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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