And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize