normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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