at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Randomize
