Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
