You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
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