who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Come share oat with me in your robe
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
