haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
