Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
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