Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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