erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
