a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
