Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
