don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
