I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
it was like eating out sand paper
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
