Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
