you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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