I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Randomize
