This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
