You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
