Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Sorry my hands just texted you
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
