Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
