Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
