and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
