i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
