worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize