remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize