I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
